Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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