I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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