I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
