There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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