he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
