Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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