woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
