i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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