I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
