the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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