I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
