Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
