Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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