my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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