He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
