The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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