? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
