she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
