Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
