Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
