Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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