I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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