i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
