I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
