he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
