covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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