I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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