Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
