In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
