Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize