I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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