I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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