Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
