My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
