Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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