Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
