I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
