You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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