i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize