So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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