onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize