dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
