***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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