Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
