we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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