I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
