When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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