I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
