bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize