my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
