chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
