You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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