If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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