You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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