Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
