Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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