So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
