I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
