Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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