I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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