you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am midnight drunk by noon
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize