Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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