She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I didn't notice because vodka
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
