I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize