Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
