You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
