I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
