none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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