Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
