we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
