Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
