fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
