If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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