That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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