So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
