I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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