Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
