I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
