you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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